Tuesday | September 19, 2017
Islamic Radicals Target 'Garfield Minus Garfield'

KABUL (CAP) - Islamic radicals continued their jihad against cartoons this week as they defaced copies of the alternative comic strip Garfield Minus Garfield by reinserting the cat where he had previously been removed. The terrorists said they won't stop until Garfield is added back to every single strip.

"If Allah had meant for Garfield to be drawn without Garfield, he would have instructed Jim Davis to draw it that way," said al Qaeda CFO Abil MusDos al-Fraedo. "Intimating that the cat's owner is somehow crazy and talks to himself is a slap in the face to the profit Mohammed."

Postings on terrorist social media sites like Turbanbook and Isisgram provide scathing commentary on the strip, blaming "Western infidels" for exploiting Garfield for a cheap laugh. They say the strip's original intent is "lost in the shadows of capitalism."

"With no Garfield, who will be eating of the lasagna? #ASadDay4Pasta" tweeted @SandLuvr53.

"Only heathens who enjoy Mondays would seek to erase the voice of those who do not," posted SheikHabib on the AfghaniTranni chat board. "Let he who is without sharpened #2 pencil cast the first eraser."

CAP News sources embedded in the Middle East say scores of ISIS members with varying degrees of artistic ability have been working night and day to redraw Garfield back into thousands of comic strips. One terrorist lamented that his "Garfield is looking more like the poor man's Heathcliff."

Terrorism pundits question the usefulness of the current endeavor and wonder if Islam extremists have run out of things to be angry about and are "just making shit up now." Experts say this harkens back to the time when violence once erupted over a Charlie Brown cartoon.

"And don't forget the threats against Arlo and Janis when Gene grew up and moved out," said CAP News terrorism consultant Omar McNally. "I think most of us missed the memo on the inflated sense of importance we were supposed to place on cartoons. Who knew."

The Obama administration released a statement condemning the cartoon desecration and vowing to bring to justice those who would run afoul of "that section of the newspaper that Americans hold so dear." The White House also promised to provide someone of high profile should there be an international rally to support Garfield Minus Garfield, or "at least send Joe Biden if we can find him."

- CAP News Staff

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