Tuesday | September 19, 2017
Obama Doesn't Rule Out Vacationing In Afghanistan
The president checks out a Kabul timeshare that's up for grabs "at just the right price."

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With concern growing that the U.S. may prematurely be pulling troops from Afghanistan, President Obama said he would "definitely consider" taking his next family vacation there just to prove how much safer that country is now than 10 years ago.

"Statistics show that a pseudo-black man such as myself actually faces a much greater risk of dying at the hands of a police officer in New York than a suicide bomber in downtown Kabul," Obama said at yesterday's afternoon press conference. "At least, that's what it seems like."

When asked by reporters about the risks associated with traveling to the Middle East, Obama pointed out that vacationing in Hawaii is not without its dangers. He noted that the sand traps on some of the golf courses are as deadly to his game as the Afghani deserts are to the soldiers stationed there.

"And you never know when you could suddenly step in a big ole steaming pile of lava," he said. "I mean, that stuff's everywhere. I hate when you have to scrape it off your shoes."

CAP News sources inside the White House describe Michelle Obama's reaction to the president's statement as "classic angry wife," saying they had not seen her face contort that much since that time she found a drunk Joe Biden passed out in the Lincoln bedroom.

"Over my dead body!" Michelle reportedly said when she heard the news. "Which I suppose is in accurate depiction of how we will end up if we go to Afghanistan.

"Why can't we just grab some Shawarma from that Middle East restaurant down the street and call it a day?" she added.

The president chuckled upon hearing of the First Lady's response, telling reporters that "she'll come around" once she sees the full color brochures from Afghani Destination Vacations Unlimited.

"The Ramadan Inn is running some great deals this time of year," Obama said. "Once the girls get a taste of the Kabul nightlife, I doubt they'll ever want to leave."

Republicans say they are impressed with the president's resolve, even if he lacks "standard common sense." Still, they say if he does become a martyr to prove his point, he will have won them over.

- CAP News Staff

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