Friday | November 24, 2017
Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Following the defeat of the Keystone XL initiative to run an oil pipeline from Canada down to the Texas coast, Democrats have offered a counter proposal that involves hiring unemployed Americans to create a human conveyor belt and pass buckets of oil one by one right down through the middle of the country to the Gulf. Democrats approve their own plan.

"We know the Republicans plan to push the oil pipeline through when they take control of the Senate in January," said Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), who championed the proposal. "We're just hoping to put an alternative in place before then.

"Obviously, we have a few details to work out," she added. "But I think we did pretty good on short notice."

Democratic party leaders acknowledge that the first buckets to be handed down from Canada would take a while to reach the Gulf Coast, but once they arrive it will represent the start of an endless trickle of oil without the need for thousands of miles of unsightly metallic pipe. Environmentalists call it a good compromise.

"Using that oil will be that much more satisfying knowing thousands of Americans worked so hard to get it to me," said social activist Samuel Avery. "Spillage could be an issue, but if everyone brings a tarp to stand on, we should be okay."

However, Republicans lashed out at the idea, pointing out that the Bucket Carriers Union would want in on the action, which would drive up the cost of labor and therefore, oil prices. They called the idea "very shortsighted, even for a Democrat."

"And how the hell are they going to get the empty buckets from Texas back up to Canada?" said Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "This country isn't made of buckets, you know.

"There's a hole in your plan, dear Liza," McConnell added. "Dear Liza, a hole."

The public interest group Schlep Across America has formally backed the proposal, which now heads to the Senate Subcommittee On Oil Dependence.

- CAP News Staff

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