Tuesday | September 19, 2017
TV Watching At All-Time Low Among Homeless Children
Those kids really should find something more productive to do than just staring at TV.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - While the overall numbers of homeless children in America are staggering, the statistics surrounding how they spend their leisure time are encouraging. New research shows that a smaller number of homeless kids are watching television than ever before.

"And because there are so many homeless kids and so few of them watch TV, that means the overall number of children watching TV is way down," said Dr. Francis Spitznagel of the Pew Research Center. "And since numbers do tell the whole story, that's great news."

Spitznagel noted that typically with less TV watching comes more intellectual activities like reading, but that doesn't hold true in this case because so many homeless kids are illiterate. Child advocates say it's up to the kids to show some initiative.

"Abraham Lincoln learned how to read by writing letters with his fingers in soot on the back of a shovel," said Emma Rodstein, president of Babies Without Borders (BWOB). "So I don't know what these kids' problem is. They really have no excuse."

Conversely, statistic show that a high number of homeless children are adept at fending for themselves, and have honed such skills as foraging, petty theft, and poking things with sharp objects - all skills that will serve them well during the zombie apocalypse.

"Let's face it: that college degree isn't going to do you a lick of good when the undead are knocking at your door," said self-proclaimed zombie expert Bill Nye. "The homeless kids will survive because they've learned how to adapt. And jab things in the face with sticks."

However, anti-advocacy group Mothers Against Everything has come out against the positive spin on the results, pointing out that homeless kids are at a disadvantage because much can be learned from television. MAE spokesperson Darlene Fortenski said this leaves them only with listening to weekly serials on their transistor radios.

"How will these precious children learn what life is really like without being able to watch such reality shows as Real World: Ex-Plosion, Chrisley Knows Best and Survivor?" Fortenski said. "Until you've watched a group of scantily-clad people try to subsist on a single sack of rice for 39 days, do you really know what hardship is?"

The results of the study will be published in next month's issue of Homeless Illustrated For Kids.

- CAP News Staff

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