Sunday | November 19, 2017
Photos Of Celebrities Eating Leaked Online

HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - A beleaguered Hollywood is facing yet another scandal this morning as TMZ reports that dozens of unflattering photos of celebrities eating have been hacked and posted online. Pundits say this could be the breach from which many celebrities may not recover.

"Naked photos is one thing, because these are the beautiful people," said CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern. "But nobody looks good taking a big ole bite out of a honkin' sub, no matter how beautiful you are.

"The only thing worse is if we get a slew of pictures of them all picking their noses," she added.

Some of the photographs include Taylor Lautner slurping a piece of spaghetti with such force that it ricochets up and smacks him in the eye, Lily Collins cramming an entire cinnamon doughnut into her mouth, and 27 close-ups of Jennifer Lawrence as she polishes off two pounds of bacon and licks her greasy fingers.

"Oh my God, those pictures were meant for my boyfriend, not every food fetish enthusiast on the Internet," said Lawrence. "The best part is how now I get to call my dad and try to explain that I do have manners and I really do use a napkin.

"And I don't normally eat that much bacon," she added.

The Hollywood community is rallying around this latest invasion of privacy, with many celebs boycotting food in protest. A group of stars including the likes of Sean Penn, David Schwimmer and Drew Carey are planning a benefit to raise money and awareness for what is being termed culinary bullying.

"It'll be like the Haiti thing, only bigger because it impacts us directly," said event organizer George Clooney. "With the money raised, we'll educate celebrities on the benefits of dining privately, as well as how to still look beautiful with a mouthful of food while in public.

"Oh, and we'll buy some antacid tablets for Jennifer Lawrence," Clooney added. "That's a lot of bacon."

Meanwhile, the National Association for the Advancement of Celebrity Paparazzi released a statement condemning this latest breach of private photos and telling media outlets, "We don't look so bad anymore, do we?"

- CAP News Staff

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