Thursday | March 28, 2024
Shoppers Fight Over Last Incandescent Light Bulbs

QUINCY, Mass. (CAP) - Nearly a dozen people were injured yesterday afternoon at The Home Depot on Willard St. when a brawl broke out between patrons looking to purchase the last boxes of 40- and 60-watt incandescent light bulbs available at the home improvement store.

"Most of the injuries were cuts, abrasions, lacerations - but we did have one woman run over by a shopping carriage and dragged 20 feet down the aisle," said Quincy Police Chief Paul Keenan. "It was like Cabbage Patch dolls all over again."

Eight of the injured were treated by paramedics at the scene while three more were taken to a local hospital. Witnesses said the scuffle turned ugly when one patron smashed a 60-watt bulb on the edge of a shelf and began jabbing at people with the shards while another swung at him with a shovel from the garden section.

"The one guy was screaming about how he refuses to let his family live in the dark," said a contractor who overheard the commotion while comparing prices on flooring. "And this other guy was yelling something about his kids leaving all the lights on in the house."

"You know what, this is all President Obama's fault - their blood is on his hands," said another shopper. When informed that the law banning the import or manufacture of incandescent light bulbs was passed by President Bush in 2007, the man relented only slightly.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Obama's over there all bragging and shit with his closet full of 40's," he added.

Police say charges will be forthcoming once they figure out how to make the interrogation room more intimidating now that their single yellow-glow incandescent bulb dangling on a wire has been replaced with an 11-watt energy efficient compact fluorescent bulb in a decorative wall fixture.

"Look, it even says right on the package: great for cozy, relaxing environments," said Keenan. "Nobody's going to confess to shit in that kind of atmosphere."

Meanwhile, authorities say black market incandescent bulbs have begun making their way into the U.S. from Canada, where they are often hidden in shipments of pharmaceutical drugs being sold by online merchants.

- CAP News Staff

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