Sunday | February 1, 2015
Obama: Bombing Syria "Good Geography Lesson"
President Obama discusses foreign affairs with local schoolchildren in a language they can understand.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama today continued to push for support for military action in Syria, telling Congress, reporters, and that homeless woman on Pennsylvania Ave. who clicks her teeth all the time that "at the least, it would provide a good geography lesson for America's youth."

"Let's face it. Before the, uhh, chemical weapons attack, nobody even knew where Syria was," Obama said. "In fact, until the Joint Chiefs pointed it out, I was apparently preparing to bomb Turkey.

"How funny would that have been!" he added with a chuckle.

Obama pointed out that while typically abysmal, American student geography scores tend to spike whenever the United States is engaged in a foreign dispute. After over three decades of strife in Iraq, a full 37% of graduating seniors are now able to accurately identify in which hemisphere the country resides.

"Geography is not just about maps," said Jeremiah Driscoll of the North American Map Lovers Association. "It's about knowing where the oil fields are so a planned aerial assault can best protect American interests, that sort of thing."

Along those lines, Republicans have called Obama's latest salvo a low blow for trying to make the Syrian conflict "about the children" rather than its true purpose, "about the money." Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) accused the president of using education as a crutch to prepare the next generation.

"GPS apps have replaced the need to learn geography much like spell checkers have replaced the needing to grammar do good," said McCain. "Hell, with autocorrect, we can just turn our brains off completely."

However, the president is holding his ground that a military strike against the current Syrian regime will do more good than harm, even if innocent Syrians are killed as part of that effort.

"Syria, this hurts me more than it hurts you," Obama noted. "Someday when you're a big superpower, you'll understand."

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE world NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «»
Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «»