Saturday | April 18, 2015
Obama: Bombing Syria "Good Geography Lesson"
President Obama discusses foreign affairs with local schoolchildren in a language they can understand.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama today continued to push for support for military action in Syria, telling Congress, reporters, and that homeless woman on Pennsylvania Ave. who clicks her teeth all the time that "at the least, it would provide a good geography lesson for America's youth."

"Let's face it. Before the, uhh, chemical weapons attack, nobody even knew where Syria was," Obama said. "In fact, until the Joint Chiefs pointed it out, I was apparently preparing to bomb Turkey.

"How funny would that have been!" he added with a chuckle.

Obama pointed out that while typically abysmal, American student geography scores tend to spike whenever the United States is engaged in a foreign dispute. After over three decades of strife in Iraq, a full 37% of graduating seniors are now able to accurately identify in which hemisphere the country resides.

"Geography is not just about maps," said Jeremiah Driscoll of the North American Map Lovers Association. "It's about knowing where the oil fields are so a planned aerial assault can best protect American interests, that sort of thing."

Along those lines, Republicans have called Obama's latest salvo a low blow for trying to make the Syrian conflict "about the children" rather than its true purpose, "about the money." Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) accused the president of using education as a crutch to prepare the next generation.

"GPS apps have replaced the need to learn geography much like spell checkers have replaced the needing to grammar do good," said McCain. "Hell, with autocorrect, we can just turn our brains off completely."

However, the president is holding his ground that a military strike against the current Syrian regime will do more good than harm, even if innocent Syrians are killed as part of that effort.

"Syria, this hurts me more than it hurts you," Obama noted. "Someday when you're a big superpower, you'll understand."

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE world NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» New warning issued by U.S. State Department says Iran just 3 to 4 years away from developing microwave popcorn that doesn't burn when overcooked «» White House upset President Obama wasn't told Benjamin Netanyahu would be guest caller for Congressional Bingo Night «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» Massachusetts courts upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Major League Baseball implements two-drink minimum at all stadiums to help fans forget just how much time they're spending at the park for a single game «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «»
NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» New warning issued by U.S. State Department says Iran just 3 to 4 years away from developing microwave popcorn that doesn't burn when overcooked «» White House upset President Obama wasn't told Benjamin Netanyahu would be guest caller for Congressional Bingo Night «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» Massachusetts courts upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Major League Baseball implements two-drink minimum at all stadiums to help fans forget just how much time they're spending at the park for a single game «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «»