Friday | February 27, 2015
Obama: Bombing Syria "Good Geography Lesson"
President Obama discusses foreign affairs with local schoolchildren in a language they can understand.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama today continued to push for support for military action in Syria, telling Congress, reporters, and that homeless woman on Pennsylvania Ave. who clicks her teeth all the time that "at the least, it would provide a good geography lesson for America's youth."

"Let's face it. Before the, uhh, chemical weapons attack, nobody even knew where Syria was," Obama said. "In fact, until the Joint Chiefs pointed it out, I was apparently preparing to bomb Turkey.

"How funny would that have been!" he added with a chuckle.

Obama pointed out that while typically abysmal, American student geography scores tend to spike whenever the United States is engaged in a foreign dispute. After over three decades of strife in Iraq, a full 37% of graduating seniors are now able to accurately identify in which hemisphere the country resides.

"Geography is not just about maps," said Jeremiah Driscoll of the North American Map Lovers Association. "It's about knowing where the oil fields are so a planned aerial assault can best protect American interests, that sort of thing."

Along those lines, Republicans have called Obama's latest salvo a low blow for trying to make the Syrian conflict "about the children" rather than its true purpose, "about the money." Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) accused the president of using education as a crutch to prepare the next generation.

"GPS apps have replaced the need to learn geography much like spell checkers have replaced the needing to grammar do good," said McCain. "Hell, with autocorrect, we can just turn our brains off completely."

However, the president is holding his ground that a military strike against the current Syrian regime will do more good than harm, even if innocent Syrians are killed as part of that effort.

"Syria, this hurts me more than it hurts you," Obama noted. "Someday when you're a big superpower, you'll understand."

- CAP News Staff

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