Monday | August 29, 2016
Derek Jeter On DL After Collapsing Into Pile Of Dust
Yankees manager Joe Girardi discusses Jeter's new role as the team's official hourglass.

NEW YORK (CAP) - The New York Yankees returned captain Derek Jeter to the disabled list when, in his first game back following a devastating 2012 ankle injury, he aged decades in mere seconds and collapsed into a pile of dust and pinstripes between second and third base during a game vs. the Kansas City Royals.

Jeter will be eligible to return a week from Saturday. Jeter told the team he felt better, but an MRI yesterday revealed that he was still a dust pile.

"I don't think they trust me too much anymore, so they put me in the MRI machine again and, like I've told you before, I can't fake out the tests," said the Jeter dust pile. "They had to take that MRI to prove to them I was ready and I wasn't, you know, being dust and all."

Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said the team had hoped that during the All-Star break, Jeter might be able to reconstitute his disintegrated form into something resembling a working human body. But the team's physician, Dr. Mehmet Oz, said the MRI showed "minimal healing," as is often the case when someone explodes into decrepitude as quickly as Jeter did.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he is not ready by Saturday of next week," Cashman said, noting that throwing a ball to Jeter in his current state just causes a gray cloud to rise from his aged remains. "We may be looking at a minor league assignment," Cashman noted.

- CAP News Staff

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