Friday | May 6, 2016
Nerds Deemed Not Cool Enough For Comic-Con 2013
Nerds everywhere are shedding tears as they've lost yet another sanctuary to cooler people.

SAN DIEGO (CAP) - In a move that's stunned the comic book and science fiction fan community, droves of nerds were barred from the 2013 Comic-Con in San Diego to make room for high-powered agents, A-list actors, supermodels and others who had previously been too cool for such an event.

"These are some of the biggest names in Hollywood," noted Comic-Con's executive director, Bob Robinson, who explained that with comic book movies making billions, more and more cool people are coming out for the annual industry showcase, displacing the nerds who typically attend.

"We really can't have A-listers fraternizing with a bunch of nobodies dressed like Jawas," he added.

The shunning has not gone over well with Comic-Con regulars like Sarah Milbaum, who last year was one of over 300 women at the convention dressed as "Slave Leia" in a gold metal bikini, and helped convert protesters from the Westboro Baptist Church over to their way of thinking.

"We've shown that nerds can do anything," said Milbaum, this year dressed in a "Sexy Dalek" costume from Dr. Who. "That they wouldn't let us in flies in the face of what made Comic-Con special in the first place - it was a place where losers could dress up in crazy costumes and awkwardly high-five each other."

"And possibly even get laid," added Fred Loudbeck, 41, who was dressed as Nick Fury from The Avengers, except white and about 80 pounds heavier. Loudbeck said he met his wife Sally at the 1996 Comic-Con when he was dressed as Commander Riker and she was the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact.

"I've had a heck of a time keeping cool kids out of the Boy Scouts - I'll be darned if I'm going to let them into Comic-Con!" declared Loudbeck, who then high-fived Milbaum, accidentally striking her in her mechanical eyestalk.

"As you can see, this is all for the best," commented Robinson, excusing himself to re-enter the hall and snort cocaine off of supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio's torso.

- CAP News Staff

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