Friday | March 29, 2024
Facebook Admits Breach Showed All Our Boring Crap
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg explains the life cycle of a typical piece of boring crap.

SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Facebook Inc. has inadvertently exposed 6 million users' boring crap to unauthorized viewers over the past year, the world's largest social networking company disclosed this week.

Facebook blamed the leaks, which began in 2012, on a technical glitch in its massive data archive. As a result of the glitch, Facebook users used to seeing their friends' boring crap also saw boring crap that had been posted by non-friends.

A Facebook spokesman said the delay in disclosing the breach was due to company procedure stipulating that the users whose boring crap had been breached be notified that others had seen their stupid memes, offensive political jokes, blatant plugs and pictures of their kids and pets that they thought were incredibly adorable but that, in reality, were just kind of meh.

"We currently have no evidence that this bug has been exploited maliciously and we have not received complaints from users, who couldn't tell the strange boring crap from the boring crap they usually get," Facebook said on its blog. This is likely because, according to a recent study, users don't really know upwards of 70 percent of their Facebook friends, and many of them may not even actually exist.

"But they'd have to exist to have crap that boring," noted study participant Marc Hurwitz, whose Facebook page Stop Posting Your Boring Crap has more than 3 million 'Likes,' even more than his next most popular page, I Desperately Want Hugh Jackman to be Gay.

In related news, the breach also exposed the users emails and phone numbers, but no one seemed fazed by that, noting that the government already has all that information. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's a good thing most of our users are stupid people," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

- CAP News Staff

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