Friday | May 22, 2015
Ricin Letter Sender Thinking Timing May Have Been Off
Kevin Curtis pauses for a candid photo in front of what turned out to be a prophetic bumper sticker on his car.

MEMPHIS (CAP) - The Elvis impersonator accused of sending a ricin-laced letter to President Obama says he's regretting picking the one week in all of U.S. history when his story would go completely unnoticed by the news media and the American public.

"In retrospect, the week before or the week after would have probably been a better bet," said Paul Kevin Curtis, who noted that not only didn't the story about an Elvis impersonator arrested for trying to kill the president not make the front pages, most people didn't even notice it at all.

"First there was the Boston bombings, then the Senate gun control vote, then the explosion in Texas, then the Boston manhunt," said Curtis from his Memphis jail cell, listing off the stories that drew attention away from his efforts.

"I mean, who does an unhinged right-wing conspiracy nut have to schtup to get a break in this town?" he lamented.

A study by the Poynter Institute of the week's news showed that the ricin letters arrest actually finished ninth out of the top ten stories for the week, following the four stories mentioned by Curtis, along with the Iran earthquake, the Chinese earthquake, the Denver pot fest and the return of David Ortiz to the Red Sox lineup.

"He did beat out the story about former Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf being remanded into custody," noted the Poynter Institute's Dick Edmunton. "Because people can't stand reading about, you know, foreign stuff, except for earthquakes."

- CAP News Staff

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America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «» Justice Department issues subpoena for all computer files related to Hillary Clinton's 2012 online journal, "My Benghazi Blog" «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «»