Wednesday | January 28, 2015
Ricin Letter Sender Thinking Timing May Have Been Off
Kevin Curtis pauses for a candid photo in front of what turned out to be a prophetic bumper sticker on his car.

MEMPHIS (CAP) - The Elvis impersonator accused of sending a ricin-laced letter to President Obama says he's regretting picking the one week in all of U.S. history when his story would go completely unnoticed by the news media and the American public.

"In retrospect, the week before or the week after would have probably been a better bet," said Paul Kevin Curtis, who noted that not only didn't the story about an Elvis impersonator arrested for trying to kill the president not make the front pages, most people didn't even notice it at all.

"First there was the Boston bombings, then the Senate gun control vote, then the explosion in Texas, then the Boston manhunt," said Curtis from his Memphis jail cell, listing off the stories that drew attention away from his efforts.

"I mean, who does an unhinged right-wing conspiracy nut have to schtup to get a break in this town?" he lamented.

A study by the Poynter Institute of the week's news showed that the ricin letters arrest actually finished ninth out of the top ten stories for the week, following the four stories mentioned by Curtis, along with the Iran earthquake, the Chinese earthquake, the Denver pot fest and the return of David Ortiz to the Red Sox lineup.

"He did beat out the story about former Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf being remanded into custody," noted the Poynter Institute's Dick Edmunton. "Because people can't stand reading about, you know, foreign stuff, except for earthquakes."

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» American comedians announce indefinite hiatus on "smelly Frenchman" jokes to give nation time to heal, will heckle Portuguese instead «» U.S. State Department denies it is behind putting glue on Kim Jong-un's toilet seat, where he was stuck for nine hours yesterday «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «»
President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» American comedians announce indefinite hiatus on "smelly Frenchman" jokes to give nation time to heal, will heckle Portuguese instead «» U.S. State Department denies it is behind putting glue on Kim Jong-un's toilet seat, where he was stuck for nine hours yesterday «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «»