Thursday | March 28, 2024
Oops! Mars Rover Tech Forgot To Pack The Big Lens
NASA Operations Manager Jordan Evans puts out an APB for the misplaced lens.

PASADENA (CAP) - In one of the few disappointments so far involving the Mars rover Curiosity - which landed on the red planet last week - several technicians were reportedly horrified to find NASA's F-7000 High Density Lens in a storage closet at their jet propulsion lab yesterday.

The lens, which NASA scientists developed over five years at a cost of approximately $350 million, was supposed to have been mounted to the rear of the rover, where it would take in-depth photographs at a far higher resolution than those that have been transmitted by the device so far.

"I know we certainly intended to put it there," the project's head imaging technician Kris Hanford told CAP News. "I'm pretty sure Carl was supposed to do it."

Carl, a NASA technician who declined to give his last name, said he definitely mounted something there, but now he's thinking it might have been something other than the F-7000, like a piece of PVC pipe.

"The funny thing is, I remember when we stored the lens in there I thought, I wonder why we're putting this in here with all this PVC pipe?" Carl recalled.

The news was reportedly not taken well when it was announced to mission control, where dozens of men broke instantaneously into tears, crying uncontrollably down the fronts of their powder blue golf shirts.

Adam Seltzner, the NASA scientist who had been preparing to study the images that were to be sent back from Curiosity using the F-7000, was particularly inconsolable, given that he now has nothing to do for the next five years.

"F-ing Carl!" sobbed Seltzner, removing his horn-rimmed glasses to rub his bloodshot eyes. "I'm still convinced he was the one who put the bad tire on the Spirit rover in 2010."

"It wasn't a tire so much as an old piece of rubber," recalled Carl. "But I'm pretty sure it was circular."

As disappointing as the discovery was, NASA scientists point out that they're used to the ups and downs that go with their jobs.

"We've certainly had our share of successes," said NASA spokesman Marvin Federer, citing their efforts to launch TV host Nancy Grace into space, their participation in Newt Gingrich's planned moon colony and the day they intercepted transmissions from Carrie Prejean's sex tapes.

"That day is still our reigning high-five champion," he noted. "And we give a lot of high fives around here."

But there have also been plenty of setbacks, such as their aborted plan to man a space capsule entirely with bikini models and midgets, and the cancellation of their "Sex in Space" program.

"We knew when we got into this business that it wouldn't be easy, and that we'd sometimes make mistakes," said NASA Chief Administrator Charles Bolden Jr. "Carl may have screwed up in not attaching the F-7000 to the Mars rover, but that doesn't mean he's not an excellent technician.

"And I'm not just saying that because he's my brother-in-law," added Bolden.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE tech NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2024 BY CAP NEWS
New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72% «» Audubon Society study finds today's young birds less disciplined than their elders, flying south in U formation or incongruous amoeba-like shapes «» Forecasters say Hurricane Joaquin expected to transform from a coherent, sensible storm to a rambling, meandering mess as it drifts into obscurity north through the Atlantic «» Online petition gathers 50,000 signatures to ask NASA to schedule next super moon full moon lunar eclipse for a Saturday night, or at least earlier in the evening «» NSA officials say Chinese hackers to blame for tens of thousands of American Instagram posts not getting as many likes as they should, resulting in unnecessary hard feelings among friends «» Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «» Retail chain CVS has bowed to pressure to stop stocking bags of metal filings in the same aisle as the Halloween candy, at least at this time of year «»
New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72% «» Audubon Society study finds today's young birds less disciplined than their elders, flying south in U formation or incongruous amoeba-like shapes «» Forecasters say Hurricane Joaquin expected to transform from a coherent, sensible storm to a rambling, meandering mess as it drifts into obscurity north through the Atlantic «» Online petition gathers 50,000 signatures to ask NASA to schedule next super moon full moon lunar eclipse for a Saturday night, or at least earlier in the evening «» NSA officials say Chinese hackers to blame for tens of thousands of American Instagram posts not getting as many likes as they should, resulting in unnecessary hard feelings among friends «» Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «» Retail chain CVS has bowed to pressure to stop stocking bags of metal filings in the same aisle as the Halloween candy, at least at this time of year «»