Friday | March 29, 2024
Rebecca Black Maps Out "Drugged-Out Sexpot" Plan
Video still from Rebecca's new song, "Saturday"

LOS ANGELES (CAP) - Taking advantage of the overnight success of her hit single and music video Friday, teen pop singer Rebecca Black has already mapped out an ambitious course for her career that would include both sex and drug scandals by the end of 2013.

"We have it all planned, right down to my comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2014, when I'll announce I've been clean and sober since my 16th birthday," Black told Jay Leno on his show last week. "My agent is like the most awesome organized guy ever."

Black's new agent, Mitch Rosemont, has worked with the likes of Justin Bieber and Katy Perry and says he sees Black's career eclipsing them both.

"We've already got topless covers for both Rolling Stone and Esquire in the can," said Rosemont. "It took me over a year to get Katy a naked cover," he added, referring to Perry's appearance with Elmo on the September 2010 cover of Highlights.

Asked if he considered it appropriate to feature even a tasteful photo of a topless 13-year-old girl on the cover of a magazine like Esquire, which is aimed at 30- to 49-year-old men, Rosemont responded, "Who said anything about tasteful?"

Black has also apparently been considering several different styles of bongs to experiment with while being video recorded by her best friend's cell phone camera. "They're so weird looking! I think I'd like a red one, though," said Black. "What are they for again?"

According to Black's very detailed career dossier, acquired by CAP News, Black's handlers plan to have her photographed coming out of Britney Spears' limousine wearing little to no undergarments by June of this year, dabble in fake lesbianism by next January, be found to have toxic hair samples by the end of 2012, and legally divorce her parents by the following spring.

"If a sitting criminal court judge hasn't offered her a sex-for-acquittal deal by this time in 2013, I haven't been doing my job," said Rosemont.

News of Black's career plans have drawn fire from some, including the watchdog group Mothers Against Everything (MAE), whose 'spokesmom,' Darlene Fortenski, cautioned Black against moving too fast.

"She should just spend five or 10 years making cute pop-music video movies like the one for Friday, which is just catchy and clean and happy," said Fortenski. "And it's full of good choices, except for the 13-year-olds driving, and the no seatbelts, and the questionable black man following the bus to school."

Rosemont said concerns over Black trying to accelerate her young career too quickly are overblown, however. "We're actually being very realistic, even conservative," he said. "We don't even have her sex tape scheduled to leak until July of 2013, after she's turned 15.

"I mean, we've got some scruples, sort of," he added.

And Black herself also played down the complaints, noting that she's just a "regular girl" who still sings in church every Sunday. "Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes after-wards," she noted, apparently by way of explanation.

- CAP News Staff

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