Tuesday | September 19, 2017
Sunday Is Quit Picking Your Nose Day
Mischa Barton

TORONTO. (CAP) - This Sunday is Quit Picking Your Nose Day and creators of the special day are asking nose pickers around the world to pledge to quit.

"It kills me when I'm trying to stick my gum under my seat on the subway and there are boogers everywhere," said QPYN Day cofounder Joseph Dee. "I know I can't be the only one, and it's high time we did something about it."

Dee and partner Matthew Milan have created a website for their cause, and with over 4,000 people already vowing to stop digging for gold Sunday, the walls of men's public restrooms everywhere could be considerably cleaner come next week. Pundits say Dee and Milan are capitalizing on an anti-nose picking movement that has been gaining steam for some time.

"With the advent of institutions like Boogerless Home Equity, we're seeing a trend toward more accountability for what people stick up their noses," said CAP News historian Ivan Pullman. "This movement harkens back to the successful Quit Eating Paste Day that swept through American's elementary schools back in 1983."

Pullman said that with the escalating costs of entertainment, people are picking their noses more than ever these days, but it is no more socially acceptable now than it was when it was less popular. But some like Austrian lung specialist Dr. Friedrich Bischinger claim that nose picking combined with nasal mucus eating is actually beneficial for the immune system.

"Think about it. We get germs from contact with other people," explained Bischinger. "When you pick and eat, nobody will be coming near you. Therefore, the germs are staying away as well. I haven't been sick in years.

"Oh, excuse me, I just need to - wait ... got it. Can you hand me that tissue, please?"

QPYN Day supporters say if they can get just one person to stop swiping and wiping, then the day will be a success. However, they hope that despite transgressions caught on camera, celebrities like Jennifer Lopez and Mischa Barton will come out in support of the effort to lend credibility and raise awareness.

"You know, back in Massachusetts there was nothing to do, so that's all we did," actor Ben Affleck told CAP News. "But here in California where everyone has a nosejob, nobody dares to pick because they're afraid they'll break their nose right off their face."

While most appear to be in favor of the day, or at the least ambivilant about it, there are a few outspoken critics who condemn what Dee and Milan are attempting to accomplish. Among those is the National Nosepicker Support Alliance, whose mission statement includes curing compulsive nosepickers "one knuckle at a time."

"Quitting is a 12-step process - maybe up to 15 if they pick and flick," said NNSA president Charlene Villaneuve. "You don't just wake up in the morning and say, Hey, I'm going to quit picking today. It doesn't work that way."

Depending on the success of QPYN Day, Dee and Milan are reportedly already scheduling a "Are You Going To The Movies? Then Why Are You Picking Your Seat?" Day for next month.

- CAP News Staff

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