Friday | October 31, 2014
Ariz. Immigration Law Nabs Illegal Swedes, Poles, Etc.
Protesters outside the Arizona state house want those fair-skinned Swedes sent back from whence they came.

PHOENIX (CAP) - A new law that requires police to question people about their immigration status if they suspect they are in the country illegally should help curb the flow of illegal Irish, Polish and Swedish immigrants through U.S. borders, say supporters.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, whose tough crackdowns have made him a hero in the anti-illegal immigration community, pointed out that the new law would not unfairly target Mexicans, as some of charged.

"The law gives police authority to question anyone they think is here illegally, not just people of Hispanic origin," he pointed out. "So if someone is very pale and blond, that might be cause to investigate as to whether they're here illegally from Sweden.

"Or they might be an albino, in which case they might be here illegally from Albania," he pointed out.

Besides skin shade and hair color, Arpaio said police will be trained to spot other characteristics that may denote whether someone might be in Arizona illegally. For instance:

- Funny accent;
- Sandals;
- Eating croissants and/or strudel;
- Spearing pigeons and putting them into a pillowcase for possible later consumption;
- Saying "coffee" like "cawfee."

"That could mean they're from New York," said Arpaio. "I hate New Yorkers." He noted, however, that since the law doesn't technically make it illegal for New Yorkers to be in Arizona, officers would just "give them a hard time."

While the new law has drawn protests around the state and the country, it has some high-profile supporters, such as Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who signed the bill last week. Brewer said she doesn't like the term "racial profiling," preferring instead to describe the newly proscribed methods as "pro-American policing," or PAP.

"Just look around - these people could be from anywhere," said Gov. Brewer, gesturing to the angry crowds gathered in protest around the Arizona Capitol. "There are a lot of very swarthy people there, and I think police need the freedom to question them as to their status."

When pointed out that the people could just be tanned as a result of living in Arizona, Brewer responded, "Can I see your papers, please?"

Former CNN host Lou Dobbs has also thrown his support behind the measure, noting that it may finally slow the spread of leprosy brought into America by illegal Mexican immigrants. "One in three Americans now has leprosy caught from a Mexican illegal," said Dobbs. "I swear I did not just make that up off the top of my head."

Dobbs also told CAP News he'd be happy to help law enforcement in Arizona carry out its new duties, displaying the Streetwise 800k Rechargeable Stun Baton he recently purchased for his new show, Lou Dobbs Brown Alert!.

"Can you believe anybody can walk in off the street and buy one of these for $38.95?" asked Dobbs. "Despite everything, this is still a great country."

Sheriff Arpaio, meanwhile, said his men are eager to put the new law into practice, and insists that they will only question people who they have reason to believe are illegal Mexicans, South Americans, Germans, Swedes, Australians, British or anybody else who doesn't look like a good, old-fashioned American.

"I'll never understand why these people don't just stay in their own countries," he added, prompting the CAP News reporter to ask why Arpaio's relatives had immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. Arpaio responded by shocking this reporter with a stun baton.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS