Friday | November 24, 2017
Popeyes Chicken Reaching Out To Abandoned Bunnies

ATLANTA (CAP) - The Popeyes Chicken And Biscuits franchise launched a campaign this week to help provide for the scores of rabbits given as gifts for Easter and later abandoned.

"It makes me sad to think that people treat rabbits like disposable pets or as gifts," said Popeyes CEO Cheryl Bachelder. "We feel by offering this option, the rabbits are dealt with humanely and will also make hundreds of our loyal customers happy.

"The fact that we get free stew meat out of it is strictly ancillary," she said.

Popeyes limited edition "Easter Bunny Stew" will be sold at their restaurants through June, according to Bachelder.

The New York City-based House Rabbit Society confirmed that thousands of baby rabbits, chicks and ducks are purchased as surprise holiday gifts at Easter time, only to be abandoned or left at shelters in the following weeks. But they're not sure the Popeyes plan is the best solution.

"Nobody wants to see rabbits abandoned by the side of the road, but to use them in a massive, mass-marketed fast-food stew product is only marginally better, in my opinion," said Jules Kotter of the Rabbit Society. "That said, they do make good eating."

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals were, not surprisingly, more adamant in their opposition to the plan.

"We think rabbits are like kittens, except with longer ears, and a little smellier," said PETA spokesman Dan Sharon. "Would you put your kitten into a stew? Because if you would you're an even sicker bastard than I thought you were."

To protest yesterday, PETA protesters wearing only flesh-colored thongs and pasties - mirroring their anti-Santa campaign from last December - threw fake blood on customers coming out of Popeyes restaurants around the country, chanting, "I'd rather go nude than eat rabbits for food! Bunnies we think should be patted not stewed! 'Cause it's our attitude that it would be rude, dude!"

"We really have to get some shorter chants," admitted Sharon.

But according to Farnsworth, the rabbits will be dealt with humanely. He said all Popeyes franchises have been outfitted with anonymous "bunny bins," which resemble an after-hours bank deposit slot. Rabbit owners having second thoughts about keeping their new pets can deposit their bunnies into the slot directly from their vehicles and drive off, no questions asked.

"If they have chicks and ducks they want to throw in there too, that's fine," said Bachelder. "Once they're in the stew they all pretty much taste like chicken anyway."

Bachelder said rumors that the slots lead directly to a deep fryer are completely unfounded. "That would be against the law in 47 of the 48 states in the continental U.S.," said Bachelder. "Boy, did we find that out the hard way."

She did add, however, that franchises in Tennessee only would be offering deep-fried bunny flambe as a side dish.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2017 BY CAP NEWS
Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Retail chain CVS has bowed to pressure to stop stocking bags of metal filings in the same aisle as the Halloween candy, at least at this time of year «» Dell officials admit they should have spent the extra $199 to get the extended three-year warranty after purchasing EMC but didn't want to "break the bank" by overspending on the deal «» Noting he is "a friend to women," Donald Trump lashes out at Playboy's decision to remove nudity from the magazine, saying it is a misogynistic move that will put many beautiful women out of work «» Guy who created 'Throwback Tuesday' not deterred by his failure, hopes for better success with 'Shit On Your Ex Sunday' and 'Post A Viral Video Of You Doing Something Illegal Wednesday' «» Economist Carl Icahn releases video warning of an impending Emu Market as "stocks zig when they should zag"; analysts concur that the billionaire "may have lost a step" «» McDonald's to begin offering 'Cranky Meals' for kids whose parents have "had it up to here" but can't be bothered to actually cook dinner «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «»
Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Retail chain CVS has bowed to pressure to stop stocking bags of metal filings in the same aisle as the Halloween candy, at least at this time of year «» Dell officials admit they should have spent the extra $199 to get the extended three-year warranty after purchasing EMC but didn't want to "break the bank" by overspending on the deal «» Noting he is "a friend to women," Donald Trump lashes out at Playboy's decision to remove nudity from the magazine, saying it is a misogynistic move that will put many beautiful women out of work «» Guy who created 'Throwback Tuesday' not deterred by his failure, hopes for better success with 'Shit On Your Ex Sunday' and 'Post A Viral Video Of You Doing Something Illegal Wednesday' «» Economist Carl Icahn releases video warning of an impending Emu Market as "stocks zig when they should zag"; analysts concur that the billionaire "may have lost a step" «» McDonald's to begin offering 'Cranky Meals' for kids whose parents have "had it up to here" but can't be bothered to actually cook dinner «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «»