Monday | November 24, 2014
7-Year-Olds Choose 'Poop' As Top Word, Again
As reported on CNN

NEW YORK (CAP) - America's 7-year-old boys have chosen "poop" as their Word of the Year for the 26th consecutive time, a spokesman for the group announced this week.

"The 7-year-olds once again cited the word's versatility, its utility and its sheer elegance," said Francis Rothchild of Edelman Public Relations in a written statement. "It works as a noun, a verb, an adjective and, of course, an interjection. It's a classic of the genre."

Prominent 7-year-old Kevin Marples concurred with Rothchild, saying, "He's a poop! I have to poop! Poop poop poop!" This prompted his friends Dylan Cranmore, 7, and Trevor Mankiewicz, also 7, to fall on the floor laughing, as Mankiewicz expelled milk from his nose.

A close second on this year's list was "butt," which is also "a perennial favorite," said Rothchild. "It's awash in descriptive significance," he said.

"And it's where the poop comes out of," said Marples, adding, "Poop!"

As usual, several controversial choices also made the list of 7-year-olds' most popular words, including "stupid" (as in, "my sister is stupid"), "hate" ("I hate my sister") and "kill" ("I'm going to kill my sister"), leading to some protests from concerned mothers.

"There are far more productive words our 7-year-old boys could be using," said Darlene Fortenski of Mothers Against Everything (MAE). "Words like 'please' and 'polite' and 'good choices.'"

"I hate stupid poop good choices," responded Marples.

Fortenski noted that words like "stupid" are "gateway words" leading eventually to much harsher language. As evidence she cites this year's Word of the Year for 13-year-olds, "retarded" (with "gay" coming in a close second, as in, "Are you retarded? That's so gay.") and the seven top words chosen by 18-year-olds, which are all unprintable here.

The nation's 7-year-old girls, meanwhile, are expected to release their Word of the Year next week. Rumored contenders include "gross" and "ew!," particularly in reference to 7-year-old boys.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»
More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»