Sunday | May 24, 2015
7-Year-Olds Choose 'Poop' As Top Word, Again
As reported on CNN

NEW YORK (CAP) - America's 7-year-old boys have chosen "poop" as their Word of the Year for the 26th consecutive time, a spokesman for the group announced this week.

"The 7-year-olds once again cited the word's versatility, its utility and its sheer elegance," said Francis Rothchild of Edelman Public Relations in a written statement. "It works as a noun, a verb, an adjective and, of course, an interjection. It's a classic of the genre."

Prominent 7-year-old Kevin Marples concurred with Rothchild, saying, "He's a poop! I have to poop! Poop poop poop!" This prompted his friends Dylan Cranmore, 7, and Trevor Mankiewicz, also 7, to fall on the floor laughing, as Mankiewicz expelled milk from his nose.

A close second on this year's list was "butt," which is also "a perennial favorite," said Rothchild. "It's awash in descriptive significance," he said.

"And it's where the poop comes out of," said Marples, adding, "Poop!"

As usual, several controversial choices also made the list of 7-year-olds' most popular words, including "stupid" (as in, "my sister is stupid"), "hate" ("I hate my sister") and "kill" ("I'm going to kill my sister"), leading to some protests from concerned mothers.

"There are far more productive words our 7-year-old boys could be using," said Darlene Fortenski of Mothers Against Everything (MAE). "Words like 'please' and 'polite' and 'good choices.'"

"I hate stupid poop good choices," responded Marples.

Fortenski noted that words like "stupid" are "gateway words" leading eventually to much harsher language. As evidence she cites this year's Word of the Year for 13-year-olds, "retarded" (with "gay" coming in a close second, as in, "Are you retarded? That's so gay.") and the seven top words chosen by 18-year-olds, which are all unprintable here.

The nation's 7-year-old girls, meanwhile, are expected to release their Word of the Year next week. Rumored contenders include "gross" and "ew!," particularly in reference to 7-year-old boys.

- CAP News Staff

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America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «» Justice Department issues subpoena for all computer files related to Hillary Clinton's 2012 online journal, "My Benghazi Blog" «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «»