Tuesday | September 1, 2015
7-Year-Olds Choose 'Poop' As Top Word, Again
As reported on CNN

NEW YORK (CAP) - America's 7-year-old boys have chosen "poop" as their Word of the Year for the 26th consecutive time, a spokesman for the group announced this week.

"The 7-year-olds once again cited the word's versatility, its utility and its sheer elegance," said Francis Rothchild of Edelman Public Relations in a written statement. "It works as a noun, a verb, an adjective and, of course, an interjection. It's a classic of the genre."

Prominent 7-year-old Kevin Marples concurred with Rothchild, saying, "He's a poop! I have to poop! Poop poop poop!" This prompted his friends Dylan Cranmore, 7, and Trevor Mankiewicz, also 7, to fall on the floor laughing, as Mankiewicz expelled milk from his nose.

A close second on this year's list was "butt," which is also "a perennial favorite," said Rothchild. "It's awash in descriptive significance," he said.

"And it's where the poop comes out of," said Marples, adding, "Poop!"

As usual, several controversial choices also made the list of 7-year-olds' most popular words, including "stupid" (as in, "my sister is stupid"), "hate" ("I hate my sister") and "kill" ("I'm going to kill my sister"), leading to some protests from concerned mothers.

"There are far more productive words our 7-year-old boys could be using," said Darlene Fortenski of Mothers Against Everything (MAE). "Words like 'please' and 'polite' and 'good choices.'"

"I hate stupid poop good choices," responded Marples.

Fortenski noted that words like "stupid" are "gateway words" leading eventually to much harsher language. As evidence she cites this year's Word of the Year for 13-year-olds, "retarded" (with "gay" coming in a close second, as in, "Are you retarded? That's so gay.") and the seven top words chosen by 18-year-olds, which are all unprintable here.

The nation's 7-year-old girls, meanwhile, are expected to release their Word of the Year next week. Rumored contenders include "gross" and "ew!," particularly in reference to 7-year-old boys.

- CAP News Staff

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State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «»