Tuesday | September 19, 2017
al Qaeda Holding Auditions For Next Tape
al Qaeda casting director Raza al-Rahajir stops to speak with CAP News while actors board a bus for the Chicago auditions.

HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Do you think you have what it takes to be a spokesman for the world's largest terrorist organization? Then al Qaeda wants to hear from you.

Beginning at 8am each day of this upcoming weekend, al Qaeda will be holding open auditions for their next taped message at the Valley Village Mobile Home Park in North Hollywood. Casting officials say interested parties should get there early.

"Last week we are in Chicago and the line wraps around the block twice," said al Qaeda casting director Raza al-Rahajir. "It makes for very long day and my feet were killing of me. But we get much good leads."

The al Qaeda casting crew has already made stops in Chicago, Raleigh and Miami, with planned auditions still to come in Seattle, Butte and Minneapolis. al-Rahajir said very few will receive call-backs, and those that do still have a long road ahead of them before landing the gig.

"This is the opportunity to show of your talent on the world stage," said al-Rahajir. "So do not expect a walk of cake. We promise everyone we select to have speaking role. However, due to financial difficulty, we cannot pay for travel."

al-Rahajir said al Qaeda has typically hand-picked their spokespeople, but their penchant for then killing them has left producers with dwindling numbers from which to choose. According to al Qaeda research, America has enough aspiring actors to supply the terrorist group for years to come.

Anyone planning to audition this weekend should bring a headshot, an audio tape of yourself pleading for your life, and comfortable shoes. al Qaeda will supply appropriate sized turbans.

- CAP News Staff

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