Monday | February 19, 2018
New Halloween App Lets Kids Trick Or Treat From Safety Of Home
New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72%
Today's Birds Getting Lazier, Flying South In U Formation
Audubon Society study finds today's young birds less disciplined than their elders, flying south in U formation or incongruous amoeba-like shapes
Hurricane Joaquin To Become "Hairy And Weird" As It Rolls Up The Coast
Forecasters say Hurricane Joaquin expected to transform from a coherent, sensible storm to a rambling, meandering mess as it drifts into obscurity north through the Atlantic
Millenials Upset At Lack Of Color Choice For Lunar Eclipse
Online petition gathers 50,000 signatures to ask NASA to schedule next super moon full moon lunar eclipse for a Saturday night, or at least earlier in the evening
China Hacks Middle Class Bank Accounts, Feels Bad, Deposits Money
NSA officials say Chinese hackers to blame for tens of thousands of American Instagram posts not getting as many likes as they should, resulting in unnecessary hard feelings among friends
Calif. Drought So Bad Hydrants Are Chasing Dogs
Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week
ISIS Takes Credit For Relatives Overstaying Welcome At Thanksgiving
Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel
ISIS Takes Credit For Increased Cost Of Thanksgiving Dinner
Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing
Russ Coleman, Famed Author Of Pithy Bumper Sticker Sayings, Dead At 83
The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck
Starbucks Introduces New Heathen Holiday Blend
The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering
Michigan Football Team Boycotts Game Over Ugly Cheerleaders
SeaWorld To Phase Out Anything Sea-Related, Will Reopen As 'World'
American Eagle To Stop Carrying "Pedophiles Aren't Made, They're Born" T-Shirts
  • McDonald's New Sharmel Shake Available Only For Limited Time
  • Next GOP Debate To Feature None Of The Candidates
  • Hewlett-Packard's Two New Companies Each Split Into Five More
  • Jasmine V Pregnant With Alien Love Child
  • Obama To Release Thousands Of Prisoners If They Promise To Vote Democrat
  • Anti-Gun Pro-Climate Feminist Activists Say This Election Platform Made For Them
Bush Reveals Top-Secret Alternative Fuel: Floam


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