Monday | February 19, 2018
ISIS Takes Credit For Increased Cost Of Thanksgiving Dinner
Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing
TOP business STORIES
Starbucks Introduces New Heathen Holiday Blend
The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering
American Eagle To Stop Carrying "Pedophiles Aren't Made, They're Born" T-Shirts
The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs
Hewlett-Packard's Two New Companies Each Split Into Five More
Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones
business BRIEFS
CVS Says Sale Prices On Halloween Candy, Razor Blades Just Coincidental
Retail chain CVS has bowed to pressure to stop stocking bags of metal filings in the same aisle as the Halloween candy, at least at this time of year
Dell Fails To Pick Up Extended Warranty With EMC Purchase
Dell officials admit they should have spent the extra $199 to get the extended three-year warranty after purchasing EMC but didn't want to "break the bank" by overspending on the deal
Donald Trump Condemns Playboy Decision To Eliminate Nudity
Noting he is "a friend to women," Donald Trump lashes out at Playboy's decision to remove nudity from the magazine, saying it is a misogynistic move that will put many beautiful women out of work
Creator Of 'Throwback Tuesday' Upset Idea Never Took Off
Guy who created 'Throwback Tuesday' not deterred by his failure, hopes for better success with 'Shit On Your Ex Sunday' and 'Post A Viral Video Of You Doing Something Illegal Wednesday'
Carl Icahn Economy Video Tops 150 Likes
Economist Carl Icahn releases video warning of an impending Emu Market as "stocks zig when they should zag"; analysts concur that the billionaire "may have lost a step"
McDonald's To Offer Cranky Meals For That Clientele
McDonald's to begin offering 'Cranky Meals' for kids whose parents have "had it up to here" but can't be bothered to actually cook dinner
business TRENDING
Grimace To Replace Jared Fogle As President Of Mascots Assoc.
ISIS Takes Credit For Relatives Overstaying Welcome At Thanksgiving
Russ Coleman, Famed Author Of Pithy Bumper Sticker Sayings, Dead At 83
  • Michigan Football Team Boycotts Game Over Ugly Cheerleaders
  • SeaWorld To Phase Out Anything Sea-Related, Will Reopen As 'World'
  • McDonald's New Sharmel Shake Available Only For Limited Time
  • Next GOP Debate To Feature None Of The Candidates
  • Jasmine V Pregnant With Alien Love Child
  • Obama To Release Thousands Of Prisoners If They Promise To Vote Democrat
Romney Restructures Wayne Industries


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