Study Finds Many Old People Were Once Young
Many people of the younger persuasion point out that it doesn't make sense for young people to become old, considering the way the elderly are generally treated.
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Victoria's Secret Introduces Marriage-Saving Panties
The new line promises to instantly solve the myriad problems of all unfulfilled marriages.
Popeyes Chicken Reaching Out To Abandoned Bunnies
The rabbits will be making hundreds of the Popeyes franchise's loyal customers happy.
Study: Most Can Only Name One Peter Frampton Album
The study almost didn't get off the ground as nobody under 40 knew who Peter Frampton was.
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Rock And Roll Hall Again Denies Johnny Bravo
The Hall claims Johnny Bravo is not eligible for induction as he never released an album.
Non-Asshole Discovered On Twitter
The instance in question is that of @montyQ22, who has been a Twitter member since 2008.
Coca-Cola, Pepsi To Start Using Less Battery Acid
Officials refute reports that the caramel coloring of the drinks causes stomachs to explode.
Senate Passes Keystone Lager Pipeline Bill
Speculation is that President Obama will veto the legislation because he prefers Guinness.
Mascot Battle Angers Raiders, Hebrews, Spics
The National Anti-Mascot Coalition is pushing for mascots that better represent all honkies.
Scientists Find 'Telephone Interrupt' Gene In Kids
Researchers say this explains why children are rude whenever a parent talks on the phone.
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Over 100,000 New Year's Resolutions Broken This Week
Spelling Bees To Start Allowing Misspelled Words
ISIS Draws Beards, Mustaches On American Currency
- Employers Back Merit Based Contraception Coverage
- Massachusetts Issues Lizza D Warning
- Microsoft Unveils Long-Awaited eToilet
- Weapons-Grade Plutonium Price Hits All-Time High
- Scientists Discover Snow Turns Drivers Into Idiots
- Snowbound Commuters Use Kids To Hold Parking Spots
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