Obama To Take Scalpels, Sharp Objects Away From Doctors
The president noted that the days of doctors amputating the wrong limbs are over as everyone gets to keep all of their appendages under his new healthcare tactic.
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Study: Axe Spray Makes Teenagers Smell Like Crap
And of those who smell like crap, a large percentage were found to smell like total crap.
Image Of Courtney Love Seen On Highway Overpass
State highway workers hooked up an industrial power washer and "sprayed the hell out of it."
Interplanetary Coalition To Shut Down Saturn
Preliminary plans call for Saturn's 31 biggest moons to be auctioned off early next year.
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Retailers Disappointed In Earth Day Sales Numbers
Retail sales for the Earth Day shopping season fell almost ten percent from the mid-90's.
Todd Bridges Takes 'Willis Monologues' To Broadway
The show garnered critical acclaim during many off-Broadway performances at mall food courts.
SJC To Hear Challenge To Affordable Beer Act
Joe Biden said he doesn't care much about "Supreme Court stuff" but will follow this case.
Study Finds Many Old People Were Once Young
Despite the findings, many young people refuse to believe that some day they may become old.
Victoria's Secret Introduces Marriage-Saving Panties
The new line promises to instantly solve the myriad problems of all unfulfilled marriages.
Popeyes Chicken Reaching Out To Abandoned Bunnies
The rabbits will be making hundreds of the Popeyes franchise's loyal customers happy.
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Study: Most Can Only Name One Peter Frampton Album
Rock And Roll Hall Again Denies Johnny Bravo
Non-Asshole Discovered On Twitter
- Coca-Cola, Pepsi To Start Using Less Battery Acid
- Senate Passes Keystone Lager Pipeline Bill
- Mascot Battle Angers Raiders, Hebrews, Spics
- Scientists Find 'Telephone Interrupt' Gene In Kids
- Over 100,000 New Year's Resolutions Broken This Week
- Spelling Bees To Start Allowing Misspelled Words
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